News you can take home with you

Posted on Updated on

Here is what the news readers tell me is important for me to know today, and my usual asinine reactions to these memorable highlights.

1. HEAD OF ARAB LEAGUE URGES MEMBERS TO CONFRONT EXTREMISTS
    Unless they are attacking Israel

2. WHAT COULD IMPERIL UKRAINE TRUCE
    Uh, Russia?

3. EBOLA DRUG SHOWS PROMISE
    And it will be introduced in 15 years from now.

4. WHY FEUDING LAWMAKERS MAY WORK TOGETHER, BRIEFLY
    Because they are debating their next pay raise.

5. POLITICS TRUMP PROMISES ON IMMIGRATION
    What promises?

6. STATES: EPA SHOULD SET TOXIC ALGAE STANDARD
    The EPA is too busy telling the States how to run their environmental programs right now.

7. WHO YOU CALL WHEN THE WATER RUNS DRY IN INDIA
    Oh, I care. I care.

8. HOW FAR US GAS PRICES HAVE FALLEN
    Not far enough.

9. AT JOAN RIVERS’ FUNERAL, A STAR-STUDDED SENDOFF
    Glitterati feting departed glitterati. Joe Montoya was buried in a paupers grave yesterday, attended by the mortician and back-hoe operator.

10. SERENA WILLIAMS WINS 3RD CONSECUTIVE US OPEN
    Who is Serena Williams? A female footballer?

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